There’s no doubt about it now, folks—spring is definitely in the air! And that means it’s time to get moving! I hope you rested up over the winter, because you’ve got a lot of growing ahead of you. So first things first—by now your lawn’s really up off it’s grass, so you’d better join it!
Now’s the perfect time to remove thatch. Afterwards, spread screened compost over your lawn, and apply a dose of my Kick-in-the Grass Tonic: 1 can of beer, 1 cup of antiseptic mouthwash, 1 cup of liquid dish soap, 1 cup of ammonia, and ½ cup of Epsom salts. Mix these ingredients together in a large bucket, and then pour the mixture into your 20 gallon hose-end sprayer. Apply liberally to the point of run-off; wait 2 weeks, then apply again.
If dogs have spent the winter doing their business in your yard, apply my Doggie Damage Repair Tonic. Start by overspraying the turf with 1 cup of baby shampoo per 20 gallons of water, then apply gypsum at the recommended rate. One week later, mix 1 can of beer, 1 cup of ammonia, and 1 can of regular cola (not diet) in a 20 gallon hose-end sprayer, and overspray the turf every other week until its normal color returns.
And speaking of dogs, now’s the best time to set some boundaries. Use my Dog-Be-Gone Tonic to keep ’em out of any particular parts of your yard. To make the tonic, you’ll need: 2 cloves of garlic, 2 small onions, 1 jalapeno pepper, 1 tbsp. of cayenne pepper, 1 tbsp. of hot sauce, 1 tbsp. of chili powder, 1 tbsp. of liquid dish soap, and 1 quart of warm water. Chop the garlic, onions, and pepper, then mix with the rest of the ingredients. Let the mixture marinate for 24 hours, strain it through cheesecloth, and sprinkle it on any areas where dogs are a problem.
Think you’re done yet? No way—we’re just getting started! You've got mowin’, checkin’ for grubs, feedin’, weedin’, and waterin’—and a whole lot more. So, what are you waiting for? Let’s dig in so you can really get into the "spring" of things!